ANOTHER NEW YEAR

The dust and din of the city,
Was the same as ever,
As I set out for work,
Today morning.
My wife saw me off,
At the gate.
My daughter was still sleeping,
After we sat late yesterday,
To solve some maths problems.
She wants to score,
The highest mark,
And stand tall amidst her friends.

This journey of mine,
Is just another race,
Like that of my daughter,
And it will continue,
As money still seems to be important,
And I feel good,
When I receive it,
Every month end.
Soon my daughter may also,
Pursue a job,
Like me for money.
But what then is there in a New Year for me?
Just to call and up and greet,
A few friends and dear ones,
To hang out and party,
And to plan and break,
Some resolutions?

I think it is important,
To dream,
As to what all I can do,
With passion,
While I still exist on this earth.
I believe that I should dream more,
And search within me,
What I am made for,
While I step into the NEW YEAR.
I should compete with just myself.
My daughter will then  follow my steps,
When she sees the joy on my face,
While I passionately pursue my dreams.

A TRYST WITH THE FORSAKEN

I went through an experience last week. It is something that I go through every year and this time the intensity seemed to be more. Listening to people speak, reading books, watching movies and experiencing situations in life are those that bring intensity into life for me. I have been struggling with Mahathma Gandhi's 'My Experiments with Truth' for quiet some time, but in the process of that slow reading, I found  the areas of social service, that Gandhi had done, to be really incredible. I also happened to read some articles about Mother Teresa and watch 'Ben Hur' last week. And then Christmas was here and there is a church I go to during that time every year. The street leading to that church is narrow and I have always found beggars and lepers on both sides of this street during this time. I have never got back anytime without giving them something. This time when I dropped a coin into a leper's bowl, I went through that same experience, a feeling to quickly drop the coin and walk away. I think that the feeling of being in that environment was more this time, because of the intensity I went through through while reading the book and seeing the movie. In the case of beggars, I think this tendency in me to walk away fast, is a shade lesser.

I believe this year, I am beginning to realize all the more, that as a Christian am still crippled. I can only claim extraordinary things but I am nowhere close to being a good Christian. When I was in Sunday School I was a serial first rank holder in all the exams. I have served as a deacon in the church services for several years. I don't have any of the bad qualities to be termed as a bad guy. We pray almost everyday as a family. We go to church and participate in the worship almost every Sunday. I have been a teacher at the church Sunday School since my 12th standard. It's only in the last two years that I have dropped out of active participation in the Sunday School due to the demands from my family side. I have bagged a lot of prizes at the Sunday School and my daughter is also following the same path. But the realization that I get as I wade through the book of Gandhi is that, I am nowhere when it comes to showing compassion on the poor or the sick. My religious approach does not have an active social work component supporting the poor or the sick as yet, something beyond giving them money and food. I wonder how Mother Teresa or Gandhi got themselves into a service where they had to touch the sick and the poor. I believe that without being able to touch them, I am actually not giving them love. I am being noncommittal. I am not sure how my reaction will be, if one of these forsaken souls come into the church and sit beside me for prayer.

I can keep reading the Bible and praying all my life but I would still remain crippled as a Christian if I am not able to take this step forward.

THE BEST GIFTS FOR MY BIRTHDAY

THE SEARCH FOR THE REAL PEACE

It was coincidental that I heard two individuals touch upon the same subject over the last weekend. My cousin brother  from Bangalore who visited us last Saturday, happened to share this aspect. He told me that he had heard this as part of a speech rendered by one of the Bishops of our church. I heard the same as part of the speech from a priest who visited our church in Koyambedu, Chennai on the Sunday that followed.

It's interesting to note that angel Gabriel first appeared to Mary and told her "Peace be unto you Mary, full of grace. Our Lord is with Thee'. In fact there is some more that the angel did say, but my focus now is on the word 'peace'. In fact, after the angel said this, Mary's life was never in peace. Actually her life was in peace before the angel appeared. After angel Gabriel's visit, Mary's life was full of pain. She became pregnant even before she was formally married, which in today's world is something that is looked down upon amongst women. Beside, there was no place for her to give birth to her child. Once the child was born, she had to take the child and escape from the killers of King Herod, who were hunting to kill baby Jesus. Even when Jesus was growing up, there was a time when she lost him and had to anxiously go and search for him. Mary finally had to go through the extremely painful situation, of having to see her son being tortured and crucified in front of her. So was this a piece of the peace that Angel Gabriel promised her? An interesting question indeed.

It was great to know from the speeches rendered, that what God means as peace, is not the peace that humans look for. What we look for is a calm and settled life, free of trials and tribulations. But what God offers is a journey, beginning with a realization of who we are and what we are made for. The journey could take us through the most anxious moments, but that is what is going to get the best out of us and also what would help us to make a difference in the little role that we play in this world, while we live.

If we take a look into Mahathma Gandhi's life, the journey that took him through South Africa and then through India, to finally end with a gunshot was not a peaceful ride in human terms. But his inner self was at peace when he realized what he was made for and every action that he subsequently took towards that goal added to his peace, piece by piece.

May be the use of references from the Bible, or that of our Mahathma would send a signal down our mind that such things are only possible with great individuals. But still, scaling down to a normal human's terms, even if it is our last day on this earth, it is still worth chasing our dreams and following our heart, as that is where our inner voice will truly speak to us and tell us what we are destined for. Sometimes, it may be that this peace, would come in spurts or as small pieces at different stages in our life. Even a small moment through that great journey for which we are destined, can give us the real peace, even if it is our last moment on this earth.

WHEN WE HEARD THE CHIRP OF BIRDS

Sketch of a birdie using Extra Dark and 2B pencils. I am doing sketching after a pretty long time. This was a cathartic experience and helped me to swim through my periods of stress.

I had been working on this over a week, as getting to sit right through is a real challenge. On the whole it has taken just less than an hour. I posted this on a night, after I got back from work and it is coincidental that the following morning, when I was singing a prayer song, I heard at least three different chirps of the birds in the trees around our house. I felt blessed.

A few weeks back, one of our neighbours approached us with a request to get a tree that has been there with us for years, cut and taken off at the root level. The roots had spread and the flooring that lay in front of their house, was opening out because of this. I was fine with the idea, but my daughter did not want to. She was so attached to the greenery and the birds that lived in them. She even asked me if I could fund my neighbour to get their flooring repaired each time it opened up, so as to save the tree.

I wish I implemented her idea, but practically speaking, we will lose this tree soon. I feel sad every time I think of it.

SHOESHINE BOYS

The evening outside is very nice. We just had a small shower of rain and the smell of wet earth is still out there. I just finished sketching this piece and was out for a while with my daughter to enjoy the evening.

This picture made me think about my encounter with cobblers and shoeshine boys. Whenever I got my shoes repaired by the cobbler close to my home, he would also polish it without my asking. I never reduce this piece of work out of the total scope any time, as I believe it is an opportunity for them to make some more money.

I have not seen shoeshine points in Chennai like what I have seen in Kolkata or Mumbai. Am not sure if such points are still out there. When I was in Kolkata, I never got my shoes polished this way as my mind would not accept my directing my feet to a person to get it polished. I don't mean to project humility here, but it was an uncomfortable feeling that always ran through me. I would rather leave my shoes with him and get it later, or do the polishing myself.

A classic scene from the film Deewar comes to my mind whenever I see a shoeshine boy. Here the young Vijay who would grow up later to become a mafia leader ( the character played by the veteran actor Amitabh Bachchan), is a shoe shine boy. A rich business man comes to him to get his shoes polished and after getting it done, he flings a coin into his box and is about to walk off. The young boy calls him and tells him to take the coin and give it to him in his hand, as he believes he is not a beggar and that he deserves to be paid with honour for the work he has done. The business man is surprised with the audacity of the little boy, but complies with his request as he understands his perspective and the value attached to his work. I consider this scene as a very well taken one that adds depth to the character portrayed by the little boy, who has seen a lot of suffering at a very young age.

Even in our workplaces today, in this fast moving world of ours, it is difficult to demand such respect for the work that we put in everyday or for the many years of service that we have rendered in total, sacrificing our personal time and space. We should be lucky to get such respect. Many times we end up having to muster the fortitude to undergo insults and the stress situations that follow.

ANOTHER EASTER...ANOTHER CHICKEN CURRY

We have Easter coming up the next Sunday. This is the first time I am going through a fifty day fast. But I have only been skipping non-vegetarian dishes and not been skipping meals at all. Along with this I managed to have Morning Prayer sessions in the company bus, while on my way to office, on most of the days. So in real terms this is actually nowhere close to a real fast.


Next Sunday, I will be in the long queue at some chicken meat shop in Anna Nagar, Chennai, to buy some meat for the Easter chicken curry that is to be prepared at home. This along with Kerala appam will form the sumptuous breakfast for Easter. My wife and sister would be the ones who would get this cooked and we would sit together around the dining table and have breakfast. Am happy atleast that way...I mean...by having food together, our family is still doing something together.

Our life has become so mechanical that way. We seem to be so busy running after things that really are not going to give us in proportion to this run. We seem to know it too. But still we run. Looks like we have to. There are just very few areas where as a family we can get together into some activity during a festival these days. This year I had just set up the tree and my daughter decorated the tree herself. I was too busy with work around Christmas time and I just could not join her. Again an example of things being done in isolation in a family.

I remember the Easter feast in Kerala when I was a little child. We had been there as a family during my school holidays. My aunt had planned for Kerala chicken curry for breakfast. My father and uncle were to take the lead in chasing the hens and catching them. Me and my cousins, all of almost the same age, were all over the place chasing them. The hens ran all around the back of the house, sometimes flew a little up into the lower branches of the trees, ran through the paddy fields, but finally they were caught. It was the role of the elderly males to kill and dress the chicken and get it ready to be cooked. My father and my uncle would get into this role and we kids would all sit around and watch. Once the hen was dressed and cleaned, my aunt and mother would take over and do the cooking. It was the role of the women to cook the food with all love and care. The more their interest and focus was in the cooking, the more would be the taste that would come out. And while the cooking was in progress, we kids would hang around, helping them to keep the traditional stove alive with dry twigs and leaves, blowing and blowing to get the flame out of the embers. Once the cooking was done, we would sit together and enjoy the family feast. Today the dressed chicken cut into pieces is available for our taking. And cooking ranges of all kinds are available that makes life easier. But that way we have killed the family activity associated with it. In those days, there was a lot of interaction over such activities that bound the family together.

Today the biggest factor that is hitting all families is the time at hand for the family members to participate in such activities. Be it family prayer, a family gathering, a family dinner, or other family activities, we find it difficult to see it happen and even if it happens, it does very rarely, in a nice and relaxed manner.

May be, it is we ourselves who should draw the line, between family life and the other busy areas we are into. Tradition is always great and sweet to be retained and for that to happen, we need to have a good time set aside for our family. After all, spending long hours over powerpoint presentations and excel sheets while leaving the family aside, will only deny us of those precious moments in life.